Men Are Victims Too!

Did you hear about the man who was rushed to the hospital after his wife poured acid on his face?

Or the man who was burnt by his wife after she threw hot water on him?

Yes, it was “news” back when it happened sometime last year, but it’s more silent than it was ever loud. And this is the same as many, many other cases of Gender-Based Violence affecting men. The cases hardly resound, unlike the female cases which are sung over and over.

Come to think of it, very few people acknowledge that Men also go through gender-based violence. And it’s not just women who think they are the only ones susceptible to gender-based violence, men alike. While trying not to play the blame game, it must be said, societal norms from time to memory have made men seem invincible and invulnerable, so it just seems unnatural that a man is said to be a victim of gender-based violence.

Men are taught not to show emotions except anger. It is the only acceptable emotion that they should show as though they were some sort of robot. Many times, parents caution their male children not to cry because they are men and crying is a sign of weakness, which is supposedly a female trait. So these boys grow up to be men who keep everything bottled up inside.

Did you also know that the death rate of men is much higher than for women?

Men go through a lot of stress, especially emotionally. They have been taught to keep everything in, should never be caught expressing their emotions, because it is girlish to do so. And the boys who are stubborn enough to go against that manifesto are often always bullied by their fellow boys and even their family members. You’d hear insults like woman-man being used to address such children.

As hurtful as it is to grow up in such an environment, it’s even worse that this vicious cycle continues as these boys grow up with the same mentality of not showing emotions. They, too teach their male children the same. There is nothing wrong with displaying emotions, it is actually quite healthy to express what one feels to avoid piling negative emotions on them.

Lack of emotional expression is very destructive; it causes self-esteem issues, insecurity, anxiety and depression. Studies show that men who have issues with their relationships have trouble with effectively communicating with their partners. As a result of being brainwashed by the rules of “no emotional display as a man”, they tend to stay silent instead of speaking up about certain things which need to be addressed.

Men go through GBV on a daily basis, especially verbally. Women know that men have fragile egos as such they get to them through negative words “Useless man, some good for nothing man, yeye man”, and the list goes on and on. These are words we hear in our neighbourhoods, on TV, in movies, when a couple fight. Many hardly see this as emotionally damaging, it’s just words, but remember words sent out can never be taken back. To many women, it’s a way to put a man in a tight spot, to make him act, especially when it concerns financial matters. Truth be told, the men who go through such things feel downcast and hurt by the words used.

It would be much better if we all learnt to let men be human, express their emotions. It’ll make fewer widows and keep men living longer.

image credits: https://images.app.goo.gl/c2iMLWshWd7ZC3ro8